Daily

I feel a bit sad, and a lot stressed, I just want to get a job soon, but this business with the interviews, I can't handle them. I feel like I don't have the qualities to do anything, after I go to an interview, and they lay me down. It's like a huge blow, I'm not really sure in myself at all, and this is making me so nervous. And now I must decide should I go to another city just for an interview. But I want a job, and I need the money... I feel so lost.
On top of all MLL is not talking to me, last week we didn't talked at all, alas I tried to talk to him 2 times, but he's just ignoring my messages. And I don't know how to act, what to do, should I try to talk to him? It seems like he is not going to search for me. And then I have a feeling that he's afraid that I might go. But that might be just my imagination. Because if that was true, he'd search for me,no? I'm just sad, wasn't sad for a long time, maybe is just the stress and the part of the month.
And there's the other guy, who wants me back, and I try to keep distance with him. It's all a big mess. I just want it to be clearer. This one wants me, this one doesn't, life goes on. But with MLL everything is a mess. The last time that we talked I asked him, if there's a change in his mind, and he said that he's just busy and nothing's changed. Which now is making me so confused.
Anyway, I just needed to talk, I feel lonely, though I am not, but there's no one whom I can actually tell this now.
My cards are saying that if I go to the interview, it will be good. Today I've gotten 2 calls, from 2 places, the first one, is a guy, who says I can work from here, and he'd call again to test me, the other firm, wants me to go to their city to make the interview. And I'm afraid, I said that I'd call her later to say a date. But I left it for tomorrow, to send an email, that I might go in Wendstday, if they are still interested in me. With this time lapse, I hope that it might get clearer, if that other guy will call and make the test, so I'd know if I still need to search for a job.
This whole unclarity is making me so anxious.
Oh well... Maybe a fast forward in time would help now...