Daily

I've got a request for a job interview in the capitol... Bf is mad about it, and I'm so afraid to go... Maybe I won't like it at all... Who knows... But he made it a problem :( It's on Monday, and I want to go... Well, we will see, right...
MLL was grumpy with me the last two days, and so on Friday I didn't search for him, nor he for me... I was sad about it...
Last night I tried to meditate... So, very often on my tarot readings I draw for myself the Justice card... And I have mixed feelings about it... I'm not a good person... So there is no way I will get something good, right?...

So, while meditating, I remembered this... and called this image...
I've seen the Fate in some of my meditations, Justice... never before... But she copied this image...of the Lady... So, I've talked to her, she said "Like Arthur returned the sword to me, so I look at you too, like a good person, my justice isn't going to hurt you, because you think you are a bad person, but you are not that bad, and I will support you any way I can, like Fate I'm on your side." She was really a nice Lady... The image in my mind is just like the card's ... The lake... the Lady with the tail, long black hair, mighty voice though... I felt secure and to be honest, really confused... I don't think highly of myself... And there are a good reasons for that,no? So, every time I drew the Justice I thought it's for something bad... And she likes me... It was such a surprise...
We talked about work... She said soon I'm going to get what I've wanted, not the perfect place, but a step closer... On the next day I've got this request for the interview... Not sure if that's the place she talked about ... Talked about MLL too... She is convinced that this story isn't at its end... She's convinced that he's still in love with me and that sooner he will confess such a warm feeling... I am uncertain for this part, do I wish to be true, of course, but let's be realistic... There are no such signs about that... And I think that he's going to block me again... And that in his life everything is ok,  he bought a bunny for his gf... How this can me seen as a problem in the relationship?!
Then again...he came back...
Pff... I'm such a mess when comes down to this boy... I have a bf, and a lover, and few other people are trying to get my attention, and I'm not blind about that, and still here I am thinking only about him and feeling stupid... Well, we will see...
For now I'm really afraid about the job... Though I want a job badly, I need the money, must return them to bf's mom... Need to buy a new mouse, mine is dying :( And I have no money...
I got angry at D. and told him to go fuck himself... but with kinder words... I've got enough of him... He made me feel badly... And when I told him to go find someone better than me he basically said that I'm a souless whore... Well, that's with my closest friends... I never understood how you can think so low of a person and stick to him... But people are awkward beings... So, no word from him since then...